Omg omg omg… the way you write. You made this situation… this chronic-ness, this always-with-you pain come alive for me… as i read, i had to remind myself to breathe.
Reading this one was emotional for me because I felt that it reflected my own journey with chronic pain nearly word for word.
My condition is different in that it is some undifferentiated form of Lupus, but similar in that it manifests as arthritis and pain throughout my joints and tendons. I remember ending up in urgent care for a flare, and everyone looking at me askance, how often do you see a 16 year old with crutches, barely able to walk? With my recurrent sciatica, I was told I had an injury from “dancing” for years.
I’m 24 now and I still battle it on the daily though I have it under better control now, I finally have a rheumatologist and my condition is being recognized as something beyond “in my head” or a mysterious (self inflicted) injury. I have danced through the pain, defiantly, many times, and so that part of your post really resonated with me. Telling ourselves that if we ignore the pain, refuse to look it in the eye, it will go away.
Chronic pain is like a cruel husband, and once married to it, you are trapped in an endless cycle of abuse. All this to say, I hear you so well, and thank you for once again putting into words what is so hard to say out loud.
I really appreciate the image of you seeing your pain and yourself in your wedding dress. I got married two summers ago, and felt the same way. The day I had my dress fitting, my doctor called me to tell me to go to the ER for some nasty autoimmune symptoms as I was putting the dress on. I put the dress on and enjoyed it nonetheless, before driving to the ER. We can have our highest highs and lowest lows in the same moments. Thank you for sharing. Immediately subscribed!
Omg omg omg… the way you write. You made this situation… this chronic-ness, this always-with-you pain come alive for me… as i read, i had to remind myself to breathe.
thank so much, Kathy. Wow, you really do see/understand…and it makes it all feel so much less alone. I am sending love to you, in pain and in beauty.
This exactly! I didn’t quite have the words yet, but you said it.
Reading this one was emotional for me because I felt that it reflected my own journey with chronic pain nearly word for word.
My condition is different in that it is some undifferentiated form of Lupus, but similar in that it manifests as arthritis and pain throughout my joints and tendons. I remember ending up in urgent care for a flare, and everyone looking at me askance, how often do you see a 16 year old with crutches, barely able to walk? With my recurrent sciatica, I was told I had an injury from “dancing” for years.
I’m 24 now and I still battle it on the daily though I have it under better control now, I finally have a rheumatologist and my condition is being recognized as something beyond “in my head” or a mysterious (self inflicted) injury. I have danced through the pain, defiantly, many times, and so that part of your post really resonated with me. Telling ourselves that if we ignore the pain, refuse to look it in the eye, it will go away.
Chronic pain is like a cruel husband, and once married to it, you are trapped in an endless cycle of abuse. All this to say, I hear you so well, and thank you for once again putting into words what is so hard to say out loud.
Gorgeous language here, although a difficult topic. I also live with chronic pain and your words made me feel not alone, thank you for sharing this💕
Kristi! I appreciate your reading this so so much. I am sorry that you understand all too well the beast of chronic pain. You are not alone. <3
I really appreciate the image of you seeing your pain and yourself in your wedding dress. I got married two summers ago, and felt the same way. The day I had my dress fitting, my doctor called me to tell me to go to the ER for some nasty autoimmune symptoms as I was putting the dress on. I put the dress on and enjoyed it nonetheless, before driving to the ER. We can have our highest highs and lowest lows in the same moments. Thank you for sharing. Immediately subscribed!